Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
