Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
