I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
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