it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
