just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
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