No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize