Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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