she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
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