U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
