Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
