maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
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