Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I just want nice things and good sex
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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