There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
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