I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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