i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
