Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
