I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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