We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
