this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
