unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Randomize
