Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
