I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
It was confusing and full of hummus
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
