I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Randomize
