he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Randomize
