Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
