What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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