We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
