Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
