maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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