U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
