The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
