your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
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