What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Randomize
