One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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