the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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