Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
