Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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