can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
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