I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
i love accidental penises.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
