dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
