you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
