remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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