I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
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