i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize