Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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