i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
