You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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