I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
