Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
tell me about the fingering
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