Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I wish you could order shots online.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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