he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
