I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
i think my mom watched the whole time
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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