doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
