I should be sponsored by Trojan
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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