That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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