he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
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