Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
