Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
