Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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