I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
