I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
All the doctor said was why
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
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