Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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