so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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