ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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