I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
