Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize