Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
