The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
