Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Randomize
