I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Randomize
