She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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