drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
dude. I can hear the air.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
