I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
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