oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
