I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Randomize
