When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
So much rum. So many feels.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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