True but thats because hes a fetus.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
