you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
soo... how was my night?
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
