please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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