I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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