I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Randomize
