when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Randomize
