i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize