So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
