God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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