her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
