were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize