You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Randomize
