there's paper in my vomit.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
