I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
He did a backflip because drugs
Help. Why am I so naked?
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