so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Rumble strips road head = magical
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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