I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
