like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
