So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
