I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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