I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
