Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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