i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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