Michael Bay diarrhea
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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