they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
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