Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
