i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
