If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
