its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
