yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
