I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
