Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
