and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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