fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
