Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
