I got chris browned last night
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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