I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I stole a fireplace last night.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
