Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Randomize
