Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
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