i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
