"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
